once again about life

Life , , , such is life , there is no specific insight or maybe even vice versa . I know that life is very simple but it took a struggle , enough water flows undergo such but must have a strategy . There is learning , there is tears  there is difficulty , there is relief , there are shades , and there are a lot of puzzle that we must solve. Journey someone in real life is not the same , always different and varied but essentially each person only happiness without suffering the slightest hope in life's journey . And it's not possible , life is very simple ... but no one said life is easy . Especially when you're in a collapsed state , in a state with no hope of life as if it is very painful , feeling alone and feeling life is not fair . But what if being in a state of happy and full of laughter , not at all feel that life is indeed round and round in a circle.

Why just think hard when it is in bad condition and ignored altogether when conditions were above the wind.Of course, in life will often get broken heart, problems, disappointment and despair. And it's not just going to happen once, but a lot. It's just part of the journey of life to make growing up, and it makes our individual becomes better and stronger. Then we can handle it better next time. And for that all may not get through it yourself, but friends, and around us that will help us through it.

Someday, we'll forget the hurt, the reason we cried and who caused us pain. We will finally realize that the secret of being free is not revenge, but letting things unfold in their own way and own time. After all what matters is not the first, but the last chapter of our life which shows how well we ran the race. So smile, laugh, forgive, believe and love all over again. Life is very complicated, don't try to find answers because when we find answers, life changes the questions. Life is just about moving on, accepting changes and looking forward to what makes we stronger and more complete.

And what we need is to pray, try and believe fully in our God. Pray that every step we take is always in His blessings, trying to always get the best and become a better person and believe that God's plan is more beautiful than our plan. God is the best writer for the past and future of our lives. God will never leave us under any circumstances. Joy and sorrow was a test, only to glorify ourselves. Life and life of is very simple but it does not mean we ignore any meaning in our life's journey.

All meaningful, all there's always The aim, there is something must be found in life of and that's when we will fight hard to find what we were looking for. and the last never lose hope never know what tomorrow may bring just say thank you very much to our God for this life ,,,and pray "Please keep my family, friends and loved ones safe, please watch over them always, and let good fortune befall them and me.." Ameen.

Kutowinangun, December 30, 2013 21:35 PM

 

My best friend hurt me with wonderful way......

 

When injured, and only really true when injured maybe tears will wet this face, might just going to sit down and bowed or might just be silent,,,,,silent though in the hearts rumble like thunder but it could just be silent,,,,,the way you hurt me truly extraordinary, distrust you able to hurt me makes me more and more silent,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,even the slightest it never crossed You will do this maybe I'm too stupid and maybe you are too clever.

And now a reality show I'm too stupid and you who have made me become the stupidest................. hate,..........ill..............want to shout, my kindness you exchange with the way you which cruel, but grateful this all is not too late.
God so loves me, that's why He show me who the real you at the right time....at a time when a predetermined I maybe heartaches but only the for the moment and never again. Oceans maybe be able to waded but not with the contents of one's heart though now I can only the be silent and downcast but not to contemplate this pain,,,,,but to think maybe God sent you to hurt me to make me a fool but behind it all There really tucked meaning.

And my prayer for you God doesn't punish you, only this is my last sentence I have for you may God always hold you in His love,,,,,. thank God, thank you my best friend now I am understand life is not just laughter and smiles but also the pain and tears and don't believe to much although with someone close,,,,,,and I learned from that.

"God so loves me people hurt me God will heal me People humiliate me God will magnify me people judge me God will justify me. Understanding is much deeper than knowledge there are many who know you but very few who understand you. Some people come in your life as blessing,,,,others come in your life as lesson.,,,,,,,"

Kutowinangun, December 26, 2013 12:40 PM

no empty space.....

I am smiling at myself today

There's no wish left in this heart

Or perhaps there is no heart left

Free from all desire

I sit quietly like Earth

My silent cry echoes like thunder

Throughout the universe

I am not worried about it

I know it will be heard by no one

Except me

Moving beauty of nature,I'm dance

Formless and shapeless like water

I am fierce as a fire and free as an air

Behind the clouds everything blends

To the sky, to the river , to the ground

To the wind and to the leaves that make a sound.

To burn yourself in passion or to drawn,

Or just stand still, emerge yourself in serene colors

When I think of you,

It fills my heart with desire

A passion full of fire

I long to feel you in my arms,

to caress and hold you tight...

There is no place I would want to be

except for where you're close to me

because you make my heart smile

even when you stay just for a while

together we can face our fear

together we can make all the sadness disappear

together we can make no more tear

all the dreams can be true if we are together

together there is nothing to worry about

together we can go anywhere in or out

together we can make lot of beautiful things to be proud

together everything can be found....

maybe you aren’t meant to stay in my life.

maybe you are just passing through to bring me something

Perhaps a lesson I need to Learn

or memory that makes me smile years later

When the time comes, It’s okay

to let go and move on with my life alone

love is not how long I’ve been together

 not

 Just how much I’ve given or receive

Not how many times I’ve give each other

Its how I am value each other

I never force someone to have space in my life 

if they really know my worth, they will surely create

one for me 

 Kutowinangun, December 23, 2013 16:00 PM

by : qurrati ainina dyah

musings in the rain,,,,,,,,,,,,

in a solitude
and in the rain like this time
accompanied by the strains of soft music
as if forced to restore all memories
about the journey of life that bit no easier
tear
ill will
hopeless
and smile
all had been a part of my life
although it continues to change
but sometimes be very difficult
bored
resentful
tired
and as if no longer able
I know life will never be perfect,
no matter how hard I try
Even if I pour my heart and soul into it,
I will never have that perfection I seek
There will always be broken hearts,
there will always be days where nothing goes right
But I must accept and learn
even the most imperfect things
will always be made better with love and laughter
I just thinking the key to my own happiness
belongs in my own pocket,
not someone else
I will try for keep a smile on my face
and let my personality be my autograph
yeah,,,,,life is about ignoring the drama,
laughing with friends,loving my family
and being happy with what I have
maybe that is better
Everybody wants happiness nobody wants pain
but  everybody can't have a rainbow without a little rain
I'll be a reason for all person around me happy
and  not must be a part of it !
But I’ll be a part of your sadness and not a reason for it !”
Smile in ease,smile in pain,
Smile when trouble, pour like rain
Smile when someone hurt feelings
Smiles,,,, I know are very cure !
Each "time" is important
Learned to accept and embrace which of the three I am experiencing
"There are times to let things happen, and times to make things happen.
Now is that time. I will either make things happen
Watch what happens, or wonder what happened."
and for the last time i just want to say
Life journey has molded you for the greater good
It was exactly what needed to be something
Don't think have lost time,
It took each and every situation you encountered,
to bring you to the ''now'' and now is right on time.
Begin the New day with Gratitude..
Life is change.
Every day is different.
Every day is a new beginning and a new ending.
Embrace it and make the best of it

 still when alone and in the rain
hope everything will can run with a supposed
hope for the best when the world
for everlasting life in the hereafter

Kutowinangun, December 21, 2013 14:49 PM

Picture by : Dheny Patungka 

let longing go by

My heart was taken by you...
broken by you...
and now it is in pieces because of you...
And still every single piece craves,
longs for you only...
Trust me honey I am going through hell...
I am suffering each and every moment...
Why don't you see...
I want nothing at all from you,
All I ever wanted is, Only You..

I never force you to love me
I never flirt with someone
to make you angry
I never want you to do
not speak with others,,,,,I never say
don't do the thing you don't want me to do
You are the bird for me
Free to fly away anywhere you want to go
Only thing you must know
Wherever you go or whatever you do
just remember
"I'm always here for you......"
My love for you is everlasting
I will never disappoint you
cos part of me is you
From my inner most being

I cherish you with my life
heaven is my witness
You know...
I miss those mornings when I would wake up
with text messages from you saying
"Good Morning Honey"and to wake up already.
I miss our late night talks.
I miss your corny jokes and your cheesy smile.
I miss our times together 

where we would just have fun with each other
I miss how much you cared. Above all,
I just really miss YOU,
but you have changed and I guess I should too

Kutowinangun, December 16, 2013 10:49 PM

 

Dare to dream dare to fly,,,,,,

 Many times in my life
I've come through the storms and rain
and time after time in my life
I've overcome heartaches and pain,
But I always kept faith in GOD
Cause I knew somehow He'd make a way
Kept trusting, keep believing and always pray
If I were the rain that bind together the earth and sky
Who in all eternity will never mingle,
Would I be able to bind the hearts of people together?
There's no such thing as a painless lesson...
I just don't exist Sacrifices are necessary...
I can't gain anything without losing something first
Although...if I can endure that pain, and walk away from it...
I will find that I now have a heart strong
Enough to overcome any obstacle.....
yeah...a heart made fullmetal."
I have gotta dance like there's nobody watching ,
Sing like there's nobody listening
And live like there's heaven on earth
And thus I see magic and beauty in them ,
While the magic and beauty are really in ourselves ....
When I look at me
The appearance of things change
According to the emotions
I get an intense feeling in my heart
Because  I am not perfect…
Because I fail…
I have the strength to get back up…
Because I believe that's what true strength is…
Dare to dream dare to fly
Dare to be the ever chosen one to touch the sky
Stars light stars bright
I see Tonight
I wish I might be there

 Kutowinangun, December 13, 2013 11:49 PM

goodbye my love

when it was in a pouring rain
and my heart, too were in rumble wound
my hope is almost broke
I fell and was completely helpless
where my love, where my beloved
where the keeper of my heart
I own between seasons
Autumn has changed the spring
and I still stuck with my heartache
I was no longer able to sing and dance
You really have brought my happiness away
even without rest of
yes,,,,, it was my desire
For give all my smile be yours,,,All your tears be mine,
For give all my happiness be yours All your sadness be mine,
I let the whole world be yours,,,,,,

And i hope only you be mine,,,,,,,

But maybe all of that is merely the expectation
Although I knelt down
Though I shouted
And though in a moaning I beg
your heart has been frozen
there is no place for me

you destroy me with your attitude
not aware you've hurt me

now I just hugged longing
and in a longing I hope
be happy always
maybe your heart is not able to be faithful

but my heart will not be able to knock out my love for you

now I just want to cry in a pouring rain
because I not want to burden your step
to love others
though really I miss your hug

I will let you hurt me

I'm going back to my own world
to reconstitute all of which had a mess
hoping to find a savior in my life
go my beloved
my pray always with you
I'm sorry cause i miss you
I'm sorry my heart beating just for you
I'm sorry I love you

Kutowinangun October 5rd at 11:59AM

so hard to live without you,,,

You know everything about me, my wildest dreams and even my darkest secrets but yet you never judge me and you love me anyway… After all the things I have seen and all the things I have been through in this life, the one place I feel safe and protected is with you… I am so thankful God added you to my life...

Please forgive me. I am sorry if I hurt you but I didn’t do anything intentionally. I miss you honey. I loved you with all that I had and now that you are gone I miss you with the same intensity, the same passion and the same pain. You’re all that keeps running through my head every single moment, every single day, 24/7 non-stop. I miss the warmth of your arms, the sweetness of your kiss, the loving sound in your voice, your laughter and all the happiness that we shared.
I’d rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else. I’d rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself. I’d rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart. I’d rather have the one who holds my heart.I`d rather have you with me...

I miss who we used to be… When I met you, I knew you were the one for me… but now I don’t know you anymore… We are so far apart and so far from who we once were… and now I feel hurt and alone. The only hope for us is to forget the world around us and to cling to that dream of who we want to be together… and to work together for our ultimate goal and what is best for you and me.
I miss the way we use to struggle to get together and spend time with each other. I miss our long conversations on phone. I remember how we could not spend a single day without talking to each other. I miss our connection which was so outrageously simple, pure and divine. I want to have you back with me and I want to love you every day for the rest of my life. I’m sad and restless and my heart aches for you. Please come back to me…come back in my arms… That is where you belong.I miss the YOU and ME “Cuteness”. I miss the YOU and ME “Togetherness”. I miss the YOU and Me 

Kutowinagun, December 1, 2013 11:49 AM

difficult time has passed

see
so beautiful sun shine
The earth was warm in the arms of the morning
birdsong
flowers are blooming

smiles greet the morning that is so incredible
I closed my eyes for a moment
I whispered to myself
"THANK YOU GOD FOR ALL THIS BEAUTY"
thanks I was given a longer time to enjoy it all
although in the tip of my heart is tucked word "but,,,,"
never mind
I don't care
I really just want to continue to enjoy the day
with the sun
with my heart injured

yes,,,,
though this was so heavy
so difficult
really let it be
I couldn't to have my love
and I was kneeling with head bowed
with an abundance of hope
and maybe that's the stupidest thing I've ever done
because my love is not the slightest budging
ignore
elapsed
and leave me alone
there is silence
tears flowed so flat
for a moment my sense dead
eyes closed, lips quivering
The face becomes wet
,,,,, and akhhh 

why I come back thinking about that time
when I was with the beauty of the morning

let it be all elapsed
I just want to continue my days even without you
I believe that one day my love will meet longing
and when that time arrives
I'm no longer kneel
even I could only smile to you
and I want to show
see,,, I'm still here, standing strong
and don't you ask "how is I am ..."
,,,,,,,,, "I am okay"
season and my love could fall
but not with life and my days
my love for you is never over
but you're not mine
and I'm not your destiny
I'm back with the sun smiling
and with hug of the month I was back asleep
accompanied by thousands of stars
my hope is shining again
thank God
You save me from a difficult time 

Friday, November 29 20013 23:33PM

I love you with my way,,,,

I am waiting for the end just to see your face,

I'm just standing on the world to get out of space

You're the only one and your love is all I need

But you're not mine, you're just a dream A silly dream for me…

As you can see I'm going down,

falling on my knees Watching you go

and rolling tears from my eyes

Please talk to me,

give me some hope I need your love,

I need you I can't live no more

Pointless life, without love which is true,

My eyes full of tears when I'm looking at you

You're so sweet, that drive me insane

There is no words what I can say..

I hate the love I hate myself

Can't wait to say

but I can't say I'll give you part of me I swear

You are the reason I live,

The reason my heart keeps beating.

Without you my life would be over.

No matter how far you are or where you are

No matter how much space between us

But I will wait for you

with hope in my heart That

One day again you will love me

and way you used to love me !

When I close my eyes I see you.

When I open my eyes I want to see you.

When you are not near,

I miss your presence every where, every moment, every time ...

So many people can love,

but no one can love you like I do...

because they don't have 'You' to love ...

I can never forget you,

I don't want to forget you.

You are mine,

I'll love you whole my life,

till I die and even after... forever

Wednesday, November 27 20013 21:33PM

only life of,,,,simple but must struggle

Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful.

There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colors seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all.

A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do.

Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”

Some people think that to be strong is to never feel pain,,,,in reality the strongest people are the ones who feel it, understand it and accept it,,,be a simple person who hides a thousand feelings behind the happiest smile and don't ever rely on someone else to make you happy because when they're gone you'll only be left with sadness.

and at the last

I'm human. i make mistakes, i fall i cry sometimes i talk without thinking first , ,,,sometimes i judge others, sometimes i do things i regret ,,,,,I'm human i laugh, i love, i live, i learn I'm so very grateful.

Kutowinangun, Wednesday, November 26, 2013 14:30 PM

love without sound

when love is in the arms of silence
my heart really frozen
my soul really stiff
I'm looking for the sound of love
I searched for a heartbeat of love
I'm looking for a tone of love
I'm looking for a breath of love
through tears
through wounds
though this love really heart-rending
though love is full of suffering
I would like to have it
I want to not just play around in love
I want to own a fully
ill will
treason
lie
sacrifice
anger
but that is true love
love hurts love is crying
but not forever and always
smile tucked in love
there is happiness in love
though perhaps not as much as get wound
I try to explore the love
I'm waiting for faithful love 
perfect love in every season
although I have not yet find
I will remain faithful waiting
I believe
my love will be saved
as long as I can afford to wait
for a beautiful love
painless
because perfect love
is a beautiful love wrapped in a little wound
in silence
I will soon find true love
hopefully

  

Saturday, 23 November 2023 22:15PM 

in a pouring rain i just want to ask

When I ask to my God,,,,,,,why there should be a tear if a smile is enough to make happy, why there must be sadness if happiness is better,,,,,Why God, why must struggles in life.Why there should be pain, why there should be a betrayal, why should there hypocrisy God. Sometimes this step very droop,.....Sometimes I smile even laugh, but  all of it will soon be replaced with a cry,,,, again and again,.....I don't regret or disappointment,, just ask,,,not more.
If life is simple I will try to do it with a simple with my way and always on Your guide my God. I Ever become not myself, I Ever had happiness and lost it all, i ever had resentment with something bad, hatred, despair, I ever had a lot of love and lost at all, I ever been in black and white and from the second colors it was I understand....color like a rainbow is more beautiful, more nuanced....though only come once in a while but it was really incredible,,,,,,and the last I just want be person who is always smiling and loves to laugh.,,,,if people around me falling down,,i will be right there to pick them up,,,,,,,,i will try always says sorry , even if it's not my fault,,,even if I'm is feeling like the scum of the earth,i will never let you know .this is me who is afraid of love because i was already lost so much.

Kutowinangun, 20 November 2013 10:48 PM

 

faithful is a pain

faithful,,,,,,,
when I really faithful waiting for you
when I was standing between seasons
when I was among the blazing sun
when I was wet on heavy rains
faithful just waiting for you
and apparently you had been completely ignoring me
for another love
and I still remain faithful for wait

although this is really painful heart
although in this heart cry
but through these lips I just have a simple sentence
,,,,,, "I'm happy for you,,,,,,"
through these lips i won't show you my sickest smile
I collect millions of power just for you

i let my soul and body is melting in your laughter
you happy in my pain
and i am still faithful for you

My love may really passed
My love may really hurt me
My love may have died
but look
I can still see the world
I was able to see the sun
and I can still telling story with the moon and the stars in the sky
about sense that I have
I lean on the rainbow
through its color shades i leave my sorrow
I shout in heavy rains
and I feel better
 

I don't want to cry on someone's shoulder again
I were destroyed
but I don't want to fall into ruin
my wings have not really broken
i still can fly away
fly away

fly away in sky broad
and threw all this heartache
and which stay only a smile
I've done what I should do
but maybe it's all just my plan
and there are amazing plans waiting for me in front of
 

faithful really painful
but I can learn from that pain
and in the end
I had been completely faithful to my love
but my love is not mine
and I'm happy
cause I was able to keep my love

although my love hurt me

I still have the power to look my future

and I am sure

my love die

but I shouldn't die with my love  

Monday, November 18, 20013, 22:19 PM

 

i just want to be myself

The night was so cold rain splashing dancing, singing melodious stifle my lonely,,,, trying to restore all my memory about my past about today, yesterday and the last, all have passed with time. 
Story all the joy and sorrow really can not go back and I'm still with my anxiety, I still can't find something that makes me feel more meaningful.
I'm still looking and keep looking for loopholes to try to find what I really want to find in my life
I ever had panic, I ever got tears I ever smile and I ever gave up,,, all I've ever tasted and I can only thank you for it all. In the dark of night with the moon and stars I tried to reflect on all of my stories, with the sun I tried to re-knit my story,  with pouring rain I wish all my stories keep changing colorful like a rainbow. Only in my heart,,, and through writing I just want to shed a sense, play of words and sentences fuse, not more just to entertain myself to make me a little better and just to make me able to survive
I could not continuously borrow my friend's shoulder I won't my best friend has always been my sighing listener any time enough when I'm happy,,,, I will convey to best friend.
Life and of life only simple but we have to fight hard to continue to survive or we will be defeated and eliminated from life many ways and each of us has a different way but we have the same goals, we just want to happiness,,,,, none of us expect sadness and tears,,,,as well as me, I never want to to cry I don't want have sorrow,,,,,but it seems that is impossible i must feel the pain to feel how wonderful of happiness,,,,,, and I had to have time to cry so that I can feel how beautiful smile, and I just have to figure out how I can get through it all, how can I make it's all be balanced in my life. 
Not need to laugh just smile when receiving happiness,,,,,enough to cry to myself when have disappointed
should not be excessive to feel something, because in the end it will all pass and constantly changing
and would only be a story , would only be a mirror for the future,and i only need ready and able to accept every story in every change no more, I just wish I could always accept all the changes with a big heart. I've got a way to live my life and I just want to stick with my way
might be wrong but I have my way of trying to trying to be a good
I haven't same manner with the other and I believe that others also have a different way to the other,....
we all have different ways and we enough just respect each other that the difference is no more.
This is one of a thousand survive the way I have lots of friends, always smiling, always pray for God's blessing, asking that has always shown the way and it's a good thing and write.
Write just to motivate myself no more and hopes to motivate others so that they understand they are not alone God not only gives you "something" alone God gave all events to allwe've all ever felt the difficulty
we've all ever felt a happiness
we ever tears when we must cry
we ever smile when we must laugh
we ever feel become a stupidest human before be a clever human  
we never feel all that exists in this world own
all once part of the sense of taste
I just think,,,,,said to myself, it is not enough to set me free of the situation what I was experiencing, I see or I feel,... with writing as my way might not mean anything to anyone else but remember we each have ways and when others not agree with the way we are , , , , , we also do not necessarily agree with the way other people and we are need just silence and continue to try to survive by our respective ways .Even though we live for togetherness but actually we should strive to keep ourselves can complement each other. Receive shortage of around us and you could say "great" with the advantages that you have
a person who is not naive is a bit difficult , but we can try and sometimes we would be very whiny in certain situations then suddenly become someone who feels so great when other people are not able to do what we are doing even though it's very simple .My write today is just about what I'm thinking right now and probably will be different again , because I was a human being in general, which always have a story and a story that any different.However I just try to be myself and try to accept myself before anyone else could accept me .

Saturday, November 16, 2013 12.00AM