difficult time has passed

see
so beautiful sun shine
The earth was warm in the arms of the morning
birdsong
flowers are blooming

smiles greet the morning that is so incredible
I closed my eyes for a moment
I whispered to myself
"THANK YOU GOD FOR ALL THIS BEAUTY"
thanks I was given a longer time to enjoy it all
although in the tip of my heart is tucked word "but,,,,"
never mind
I don't care
I really just want to continue to enjoy the day
with the sun
with my heart injured

yes,,,,
though this was so heavy
so difficult
really let it be
I couldn't to have my love
and I was kneeling with head bowed
with an abundance of hope
and maybe that's the stupidest thing I've ever done
because my love is not the slightest budging
ignore
elapsed
and leave me alone
there is silence
tears flowed so flat
for a moment my sense dead
eyes closed, lips quivering
The face becomes wet
,,,,, and akhhh 

why I come back thinking about that time
when I was with the beauty of the morning

let it be all elapsed
I just want to continue my days even without you
I believe that one day my love will meet longing
and when that time arrives
I'm no longer kneel
even I could only smile to you
and I want to show
see,,, I'm still here, standing strong
and don't you ask "how is I am ..."
,,,,,,,,, "I am okay"
season and my love could fall
but not with life and my days
my love for you is never over
but you're not mine
and I'm not your destiny
I'm back with the sun smiling
and with hug of the month I was back asleep
accompanied by thousands of stars
my hope is shining again
thank God
You save me from a difficult time 

Friday, November 29 20013 23:33PM

I love you with my way,,,,

I am waiting for the end just to see your face,

I'm just standing on the world to get out of space

You're the only one and your love is all I need

But you're not mine, you're just a dream A silly dream for me…

As you can see I'm going down,

falling on my knees Watching you go

and rolling tears from my eyes

Please talk to me,

give me some hope I need your love,

I need you I can't live no more

Pointless life, without love which is true,

My eyes full of tears when I'm looking at you

You're so sweet, that drive me insane

There is no words what I can say..

I hate the love I hate myself

Can't wait to say

but I can't say I'll give you part of me I swear

You are the reason I live,

The reason my heart keeps beating.

Without you my life would be over.

No matter how far you are or where you are

No matter how much space between us

But I will wait for you

with hope in my heart That

One day again you will love me

and way you used to love me !

When I close my eyes I see you.

When I open my eyes I want to see you.

When you are not near,

I miss your presence every where, every moment, every time ...

So many people can love,

but no one can love you like I do...

because they don't have 'You' to love ...

I can never forget you,

I don't want to forget you.

You are mine,

I'll love you whole my life,

till I die and even after... forever

Wednesday, November 27 20013 21:33PM

only life of,,,,simple but must struggle

Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful.

There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colors seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all.

A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do.

Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”

Some people think that to be strong is to never feel pain,,,,in reality the strongest people are the ones who feel it, understand it and accept it,,,be a simple person who hides a thousand feelings behind the happiest smile and don't ever rely on someone else to make you happy because when they're gone you'll only be left with sadness.

and at the last

I'm human. i make mistakes, i fall i cry sometimes i talk without thinking first , ,,,sometimes i judge others, sometimes i do things i regret ,,,,,I'm human i laugh, i love, i live, i learn I'm so very grateful.

Kutowinangun, Wednesday, November 26, 2013 14:30 PM

love without sound

when love is in the arms of silence
my heart really frozen
my soul really stiff
I'm looking for the sound of love
I searched for a heartbeat of love
I'm looking for a tone of love
I'm looking for a breath of love
through tears
through wounds
though this love really heart-rending
though love is full of suffering
I would like to have it
I want to not just play around in love
I want to own a fully
ill will
treason
lie
sacrifice
anger
but that is true love
love hurts love is crying
but not forever and always
smile tucked in love
there is happiness in love
though perhaps not as much as get wound
I try to explore the love
I'm waiting for faithful love 
perfect love in every season
although I have not yet find
I will remain faithful waiting
I believe
my love will be saved
as long as I can afford to wait
for a beautiful love
painless
because perfect love
is a beautiful love wrapped in a little wound
in silence
I will soon find true love
hopefully

  

Saturday, 23 November 2023 22:15PM 

in a pouring rain i just want to ask

When I ask to my God,,,,,,,why there should be a tear if a smile is enough to make happy, why there must be sadness if happiness is better,,,,,Why God, why must struggles in life.Why there should be pain, why there should be a betrayal, why should there hypocrisy God. Sometimes this step very droop,.....Sometimes I smile even laugh, but  all of it will soon be replaced with a cry,,,, again and again,.....I don't regret or disappointment,, just ask,,,not more.
If life is simple I will try to do it with a simple with my way and always on Your guide my God. I Ever become not myself, I Ever had happiness and lost it all, i ever had resentment with something bad, hatred, despair, I ever had a lot of love and lost at all, I ever been in black and white and from the second colors it was I understand....color like a rainbow is more beautiful, more nuanced....though only come once in a while but it was really incredible,,,,,,and the last I just want be person who is always smiling and loves to laugh.,,,,if people around me falling down,,i will be right there to pick them up,,,,,,,,i will try always says sorry , even if it's not my fault,,,even if I'm is feeling like the scum of the earth,i will never let you know .this is me who is afraid of love because i was already lost so much.

Kutowinangun, 20 November 2013 10:48 PM

 

faithful is a pain

faithful,,,,,,,
when I really faithful waiting for you
when I was standing between seasons
when I was among the blazing sun
when I was wet on heavy rains
faithful just waiting for you
and apparently you had been completely ignoring me
for another love
and I still remain faithful for wait

although this is really painful heart
although in this heart cry
but through these lips I just have a simple sentence
,,,,,, "I'm happy for you,,,,,,"
through these lips i won't show you my sickest smile
I collect millions of power just for you

i let my soul and body is melting in your laughter
you happy in my pain
and i am still faithful for you

My love may really passed
My love may really hurt me
My love may have died
but look
I can still see the world
I was able to see the sun
and I can still telling story with the moon and the stars in the sky
about sense that I have
I lean on the rainbow
through its color shades i leave my sorrow
I shout in heavy rains
and I feel better
 

I don't want to cry on someone's shoulder again
I were destroyed
but I don't want to fall into ruin
my wings have not really broken
i still can fly away
fly away

fly away in sky broad
and threw all this heartache
and which stay only a smile
I've done what I should do
but maybe it's all just my plan
and there are amazing plans waiting for me in front of
 

faithful really painful
but I can learn from that pain
and in the end
I had been completely faithful to my love
but my love is not mine
and I'm happy
cause I was able to keep my love

although my love hurt me

I still have the power to look my future

and I am sure

my love die

but I shouldn't die with my love  

Monday, November 18, 20013, 22:19 PM

 

i just want to be myself

The night was so cold rain splashing dancing, singing melodious stifle my lonely,,,, trying to restore all my memory about my past about today, yesterday and the last, all have passed with time. 
Story all the joy and sorrow really can not go back and I'm still with my anxiety, I still can't find something that makes me feel more meaningful.
I'm still looking and keep looking for loopholes to try to find what I really want to find in my life
I ever had panic, I ever got tears I ever smile and I ever gave up,,, all I've ever tasted and I can only thank you for it all. In the dark of night with the moon and stars I tried to reflect on all of my stories, with the sun I tried to re-knit my story,  with pouring rain I wish all my stories keep changing colorful like a rainbow. Only in my heart,,, and through writing I just want to shed a sense, play of words and sentences fuse, not more just to entertain myself to make me a little better and just to make me able to survive
I could not continuously borrow my friend's shoulder I won't my best friend has always been my sighing listener any time enough when I'm happy,,,, I will convey to best friend.
Life and of life only simple but we have to fight hard to continue to survive or we will be defeated and eliminated from life many ways and each of us has a different way but we have the same goals, we just want to happiness,,,,, none of us expect sadness and tears,,,,as well as me, I never want to to cry I don't want have sorrow,,,,,but it seems that is impossible i must feel the pain to feel how wonderful of happiness,,,,,, and I had to have time to cry so that I can feel how beautiful smile, and I just have to figure out how I can get through it all, how can I make it's all be balanced in my life. 
Not need to laugh just smile when receiving happiness,,,,,enough to cry to myself when have disappointed
should not be excessive to feel something, because in the end it will all pass and constantly changing
and would only be a story , would only be a mirror for the future,and i only need ready and able to accept every story in every change no more, I just wish I could always accept all the changes with a big heart. I've got a way to live my life and I just want to stick with my way
might be wrong but I have my way of trying to trying to be a good
I haven't same manner with the other and I believe that others also have a different way to the other,....
we all have different ways and we enough just respect each other that the difference is no more.
This is one of a thousand survive the way I have lots of friends, always smiling, always pray for God's blessing, asking that has always shown the way and it's a good thing and write.
Write just to motivate myself no more and hopes to motivate others so that they understand they are not alone God not only gives you "something" alone God gave all events to allwe've all ever felt the difficulty
we've all ever felt a happiness
we ever tears when we must cry
we ever smile when we must laugh
we ever feel become a stupidest human before be a clever human  
we never feel all that exists in this world own
all once part of the sense of taste
I just think,,,,,said to myself, it is not enough to set me free of the situation what I was experiencing, I see or I feel,... with writing as my way might not mean anything to anyone else but remember we each have ways and when others not agree with the way we are , , , , , we also do not necessarily agree with the way other people and we are need just silence and continue to try to survive by our respective ways .Even though we live for togetherness but actually we should strive to keep ourselves can complement each other. Receive shortage of around us and you could say "great" with the advantages that you have
a person who is not naive is a bit difficult , but we can try and sometimes we would be very whiny in certain situations then suddenly become someone who feels so great when other people are not able to do what we are doing even though it's very simple .My write today is just about what I'm thinking right now and probably will be different again , because I was a human being in general, which always have a story and a story that any different.However I just try to be myself and try to accept myself before anyone else could accept me .

Saturday, November 16, 2013 12.00AM

peghianatan terindah yang pernah ada,,,,,,

sahabat,,,,,

adalah ia seseorang yang telah aku pilih

sebagai tempat mencurahkan isi hatiku

aku pinjam bahunya saat aku menangis

sahabat,,,,

sahabat yang panik ketika aku terluka

dan sahabat yang hanya akan ikut tertawa

ketika melihat aku tertawa

ketika aku bahagia aku segera berlari menuju dirinya

dan ketika aku kecewa

aku hanya ingin memeluknya

sahabat yang berkata jujur padaku

"kamu bodoh,,,,dengan tingkah lakumu yang buruk...."

dan sahabat yang dengan tulus mengatakan

"kamu hebat,,,,aku bangga sebagai sahabatmu,,,"

ya ...sahabat yang seharusnya tidak pernah meninggalkan ku

sahabat yang seharusnya tidak menghianati ku

sahabat,,,

sahabatku yang kini berlalu

meninggalkan aku

menghianatiku

membuat aku jadi kepingan tiada arti

membuat aku terdiam dipojok tanpa suara

dan membuat ku tak mampu menatap apapun

aku hanya mampu bertanya dalam hati

inikah arti sahabat

inikah arti susah senang bersama

apakah jalinan ini harus dibayar

ketika sahabatku

berlalu dengan kekasihku

aku terluka

aku menjerit

lututku tersungkur di tanah

kepalaku tertunduk

haruskah aku menangis

untuk penghianatan yang menyakitkan ini

tidak,,,,,,,

aku memilih untuk tersenyum untuk kebahagiaanmu sahabatku

engkau kekasihku,,,, aku ingin kamu selalu bahagia

dan engkau sahabatku,,,,,

aku tak pernah ingin melihatmu bersedih

untuk persahabatan terindah yang pernah ada

aku ucapkan semoga kalian bahagia

dan kini,,,,,,

lautlah sebagai pengganti dirimu sahabatku

akan aku tulis segala rasa yang aku punya diatas pasir

ombak akan segera datang untuk menghapusnya

dan semua akan berlalu bersama waktu

aku berterima kasih atas jalan hidup yang aku miliki

aku percaya waktu akan membawa suka dukaku berlalu

dan kuyakini ini hanyalah sebagai nuansa dalam hidupku

 Terimakasih Tuhan,,,,,,atas penghiatan dua hati ini

Kutowinangun,Sabtu 9 November 2013 15:10PM

berbalut senyum

katakan dengan indah,,,,walau hatimu terluka dan hampa,,,,,beritahu dunia,...air mata tiada artinya,,,jikapun harus membasahi pipi,,,,bukanlah karena sedang berduka,,,,,namun keindahan sungguh tiada taranya.
betapapun sulitnya kaki ini memijak bumi,,,,dan tiada tempat untuk bersandar,,,,Tuhan takkan mungkin mematahkan kedua sayap begitu saja,,,,,,,

ada mentari yang akan menerangi ada bintang dan rembulan yang selalu menghiasi kegelapan,.......ada sedikit hujan yang datang bersama pelangi,,,,,,hanya bayangan yang membawa luka dan bayangan berlalu kala lilin padam,,,,dan yang akan kembali hanya terang dan terang,,,,,,
jika hari ini ada sedikit kekecewaan,,,biarkanlah melebur bersama waktu,,,,waktu yang selalu berlalu dan berharaplah kembali tanpa rasa yang sama,,,,,

jika memang harus menangis,,,,menangislah dalam hati,,,dan jika harus tertawa cukuplah tersenyum
apa artinya berlebih jika suatu saat kehilangan sama sekali,,,,,,,
Ia telah persipkan segala sesuatunya,,,,,,Ia paham akan kemampuan kita,,,,,jika kita tak mampu tak mungkin Ia bebankan pada kita,.....

jangan pernah tangisi dan sesali jalan hidup ini,,,sesungguhnya kita hanya diberi tugas untuk menjalani sebaik mungkin,,,,selalu berusaha untuk menjadi yang terbaik setidaknya untuk hidup kita sendiri dan cukup merangkai doa sebagai penuntun langkah kita,,,,,,selebihnya berikan senyuman untuk orang orang disekitar kita,,,

cukup simpan tangismu dalam pelukan perihmu,,,,,,

Kutowinangun, Kamis 7 November 20013 17:08PM

cinta tak mampu membuatmu jatuh,,,,,,

hanya ketika kamu telah benar benar sendiri

rasa sunyi dan sepi seakan menyayat ulu hati

namun kamu masih tetap setia untuk menanti

walau mungkin tiada harapan ,,,,dan telah terabaikan

untuk cinta yang lain..

namun sendirimu tak membuatmu menepi,,,,,

sesungguhnya hatimu sungguh kosong dan hampa

namun  binar wajahmu mampu menutupi rasa itu,,,,

senyummu mengalahkan rasa sakitmu

candamu mampu menghempas laramu

tak henti kau berbisik dalam hati

",,,aku bahagia untukmu cintaku,,,"

 jiwa dan ragamu nampak kokoh

berdiri tegap memeluk perihmu

selama tangan ini masih sanggup memegang erat

selama detak jantung ini masih sanggup melawan waktu

sungguh biarkan rasa itu ada

walau sungguh hati ini terkoyak

percayalah tak kan membuatmu terpuruk

ini semua bukan pengorbanan

namun sungguh ini adalah cinta

cinta yang mungkin sangat sederhana

namun sungguh sangat luar biasa

biarkan cinta bersemi diantara duri

bagai kuncup mawar yang indah merekah

disertai aroma wangi yang tiada tara

dan lihatlah,,,,,

mawar itu tetap indah,,,dan terus mekar tiada henti

walau diantara duri duri

biarkan cintamu berlalu untuk mengejar asanya

dan biarkan kembali hanya padamu saat cintamu bimbang

ambilah air matanya

dan berikan senyumu

rengkuh dukanya

bagikan bahagiamu

cinta tidak harus memiliki

hanya sekedar perlu di mengerti

cinta yang sesungguhnya hanya ada dalam hati

disaat cintamu berlalu

kamu tak harus berlalu bersamanya

ketika cintamu tak bersemi

kamu tak seharusnya gugur bersama cintamu

walau kamu sendiri menjaga cintamu

jangan biarkan cintamu mati

waktu boleh berlalu

namun tidak dengan kisahmu

mungkin kini cintamu sungguh takkan pernah ingin kembali kepadamu

namun lihatlah kamu masih mampu tersenyum

dan lihatlah betapa cinta tidak pernah membuat kehidupan ini berhenti

kamu tak sanggup memiliki cintamu

namun kamu takkan pernah jatuh karena cintamu

cintamu tulus

berbahagialah mampu mencintainya lebih dari dirimu sendiri

belajarlah dari cintamu dimasa lalu

untuk mencintai cintamu dimasa depan

Kutowinangun, 3 November 2013 15:30PM

separuh jiwa yang terhempas (motivasi diri)

http://www.youtube.com/v/GL1QLVetjxo?autohide=1&version=3&showinfo=1&attribution_tag=AVDlBfG6E5yUVC-nLtWVZw&autohide=1&autoplay=1&feature=share

if there happy why should embrace sorrow,,

http://www.youtube.com/v/CfqidLUErps?version=3&autohide=1&showinfo=1&autohide=1&autoplay=1&feature=share&attribution_tag=FaEa1xB858QRVnPPlZC7Fg